I’m writing this from seat 9B on a flight from Milwaukee to Minneapolis, heading home with Bill after a 26-hour whirlwind mini-vacation. The trip was chock full of opportunities to “receive.” And let me tell you, it was quite a valuable lesson.

We’ve all heard the mantra: “It’s better to give than to receive.” Like most others, I always bought into that concept, too, until my ideas around it were challenged, causing me to think completely differently.

Yes, giving is wonderful! And it’s what makes the world go ‘round. However…

I just finished the book The Go-Giverby Bob Burg and John David Mann. If your life or business involves giving to others (which I hope it does!), then this book is a must-read. In the book, one of the Laws of Success is “The Law of Receptivity.” Its tagline: “The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.”

When I first saw that, I thought, “Huh?” But now I get it and I couldn’t agree more.

The Law of Receptivity

The book goes on to explain that as “all of humanity is breathing in oxygen and breathing out carbon dioxide…organisms of the plant kingdom are doing the exact opposite—breathing in carbon dioxide and breathing out oxygen. Their giving is our receiving, and our giving is their receiving.”

“In fact,” the book explains, “Every giving can happen only because it is also a receiving.”

Brilliant.

Most of the people in my life are tremendous givers. I’ll include myself here and say that it feels good to give and it comes naturally. I don’t really have to think about it; I must be hard-wired that way.

At the same time, I’ve always considered myself a pretty good receiver. When someone gives me a gift or a compliment, I take it all in and allow it into my heart. I feel the gratitude and appreciation and always let the other person know of the gift’s impact on me.

But now I realize that it goes even deeper than that.

* * * * *

Milwaukee-bound

Before our trip, I had contacted a friend from Milwaukee that Bill and I had gotten to know on occasion; someone we always thought would be fun to get to know better. In hopes that we might be able to hook up, I texted him after we landed at the airport to say we had arrived and we would be going to the State Fair later that afternoon to see a concert. His message back to me was: “I live three blocks from the Fair. Park in my driveway and I’ll drop you off at the front gate.”

Really? This guy was willing to drop whatever he was doing and go the extra mile to help make our visit to Milwaukee a hit? My first thought was, “Oh no, don’t worry about that; we’ll be okay.” But I took a breath, let in his offer, and told him we’d be delighted.

Receiving Exercise #1. Thank you, Dave.

When we got downtown and pulled up to the bargain mystery hotel we booked online, we were shocked. Instantly treated like royalty, this beautiful, fancy, and luxurious historic hotel had us hooked. After we checked in at the front desk, the bellman came over and said, “May I help you to your room?”

My knee-jerk reaction would have normally been: “No thanks, we’re good.” But I looked up at the elderly gentleman with white gloves, took a breath and said, “Sure, I’d love that, John” and handed him my overnight bag.

Receiving Exercise #2. Thank you, John.

Our white-haired bellman proudly showed us to our room and explained that this hotel is where all the Presidents stay when they’re in town. The woman at the desk had so graciously told the man, “Take them to my favorite room!” So we were whisked away to a beautiful corner room with big windows on two sides, allowing the sun to shine brightly onto the plush king-sized bed.

Thank you.

Bill and I were excited when we got to the Fair that afternoon. A friend in the band we had come to see said he’d have tickets waiting for us at will call. When I approached the ticket office, not only was I on the band guest list, but inside the envelope were two VIP backstage passes that granted us access to come and go as we please.

Really…for me? I was overjoyed!

While I was super excited to hang out backstage, I was mostly touched by the generosity and gesture of our friend going the extra mile to make our evening an over-the-top experience. Sincere friendship with a kindred spirit rocks. Our multitude of hugs and “I love you’s” after the show made my heart soar.

Receiving Exercise #3. Thank you, Kenny.

This gesture reminded me of why I’m always moved to tears the moment Bill and I step onto a cruise ship for a week’s vacation. That’s when you first make your entrance into the glorious multi-level atrium with beautiful ornate art and elegant detail; that vision serves as a reminder to me that I am going to be totally pampered and taken care of for the upcoming week. A time completely focused on receiving. It’s not unlike wearing a special badge that says “VIP”; I know I am going to be taken care of. And it feels good.

The show

Just a few days prior, a friend told me her idea about “Pennies from Heaven” and how that’s her sign that a loved one who has passed is thinking of her. After our meeting, I said: “Watch, I bet I’ll find a penny soon that is meant just for me!”

And when Bill and I made our way to our concert seats, the first thing I noticed was a penny in the aisle just next to my assigned seat #1. This was my confirmation, my affirmation, my thumbs-up…that all is good, all is well. And my nod from above to keep having fun and enjoying life, embracing the things that make me come alive and bring me joy. I smiled as I picked up the penny and proudly put it in my pocket.

Receiving Exercise #4. Thank you.

The concert rocked, the clear and sultry summer night gave way to a purple sky and stars, and the crowd of several thousand was united in the celebration of life and of good times. Bill and I danced our hearts out and cheered with the concert-goers around us. Time stood still in those glorious moments as I breathed deeply and allowed myself to receive the goodness of all that surrounded me.

Receiving Exercise #5. Thank you, Mother Nature; Thank you, Steve Miller Band.

When the concert was over, my Milwaukee friend insisted we call him for pick up. Within minutes, he was at the exit gate ready for us and drove us back to our car, parked at his house. Our ‘thank-yous’ and ‘good-nights’ with him and his wife included tight bear hugs and a knowing that we would all be in each others’ lives again soon.

A pensive plane ride home

As the plane took off today for the journey home, we were reminded by the flight attendant that in the event of cabin pressure loss to “secure your own oxygen mask first before assisting others.”

This is the essence of receiving.

We have to—yes, we must—fill our own tanks first before being of any service to others.

This jaunt to Milwaukee taught me volumes about the importance of—and the joy of—“receiving.” Special thanks to my several teachers and angels along the way for orchestrating everything so perfectly.

My learning around receiving this week has reminded me that I am important, I matter, and I’ve got to keep shining my light brightly. And now because my tank is overflowing, I can so much more easily and effortlessly give to others. I’ve got an abundance of reserves!

In working with clients these last several years, a common theme that comes up—especially for women—is the struggle with receiving. And I see all kinds of guilt, discomfort, and uneasiness around it.

Listen up: Receiving is a good thing. Not only does it feel good, but it’s our one and only way to be able to give back to the world in all kinds of meaningful ways. In fact, when someone gives you a gift or does something nice for you…the best thing you can do is to simply receive it gracefully and graciously–which is actually like giving a gift right back to them! 

Try it. You just might like it.

How will you open up and let your heart receive today? Love for you to share your thoughts below!

For example, you might wear a certain mask when you’re with family—not letting them know how you really prefer to raise your children. Or you might wear a mask with friends for fear of them learning how overwhelmed you really are with life. And the one I deal with most often—the mask you wear in the workplace. This one allows you to play the game, live up to (perceived) expectations, and most importantly—not let anyone see who you really are.

In my coaching, the masks that clients talk about are pretty big and definitely get in their way of fully being who they are.

Posing as someone else takes work

It takes a lot of energy to wear a mask; to be someone you’re not. One of my clients felt compelled to put on her mask every time she walked through the door of her large organization. She revealed to me that she worked hard every day to keep the mask on and keep co-workers at a distance due to her deep fear of being “found out.” Found out that she wasn’t as great of a mother as everyone thought she was, found out that she didn’t feel as confident as people thought, found out that she struggled with food addictions, and so on.

My heart aches when I hear this. Because each person is always doing the very best they can. And if you think they’re not, think again. My client is doing her absolute best in each moment. That, in itself, makes the world sing. We’re all doing our best and have so much to offer by being ourselves.

We put these masks on to show that we’re stronger, more confident, a better parent, smarter employee, more “together,” etc. We fear that we’re not ‘enough’ as we are; that we are lacking something. But in reality, we are all amazing…if we only let ourselves shine and not pretend to be something else.

Being all of who you are

It’s okay. Be precisely who you are. In fact, when you’re not being “you,” you shortchange the world.

Unsure how to articulate who you are? Then please take some time to read this post because it’s imperative that you begin the journey to get clear on this one.

We’re all human. So, first before our roles/titles/jobs, etc., we are people. We all have lights to shine. What if we could go to work every day and live in the world around us, being all of who we are…without apology? Wouldn’t we all be more relaxed and under less pressure to “perform”?

Take some time now to ponder these questions:

–What are the various masks you wear and what purpose do they serve?

–Where are you not being yourself?

–How could being ‘who you are’ bring you greater joy?

The key to following your joy is being who you are.

 

Have you ever seen Magen’s Bay in St. Thomas? What a fabulous place to leave behind any stresses, any “should’s,” any worries; and breathe in…life.

Similar to how a dog feels safe in his cozy kennel, as a beach bum I felt totally “safe” here on Magen’s Bay, too. The beach is surrounded by a cove; a magnificent three-sided wall of lush tropical green. There’s something about it that felt so comforting, and I was amazed by the acoustics—while there were hundreds of people having a good time on the beach, I noticed that we lowered our voices when we spoke, as if we were in a sacred space like a church or place of worship.

I was moved to take the above shot of a carefree grandma resting with her grandchild under the sun. Seeing the peace that enveloped these two reminded me of how easy it is to be “on-the-go” or to be busy “gettin’ stuff done.” It’s certainly not as easy to tap into the joy of life amidst that busy-ness.

On the contrary, joy is wonderfully experienced when we slow down, take a deep breath, and relax into being.

You may have heard the notion that we’re human beings, not human doings. Clever, huh? But oh so true.

How are YOU doin’?

Where do you see yourself getting caught up in the rat-race? And how does it affect your family or those around you? One of my clients told me recently that when she comes home stressed-out and overwhelmed from the work day and is frantically trying to get things done around the house, it impacts her kids big-time. And they take-on that type of frenzied energy from her.

As a culture, we’ve become famous for staying busy, active, and involved 24/7, moving us away from the quiet and the peace where wellness—and joy—reside.

Remember that around us ‘life happens.’ And there will always be all kinds of things going on in our world that we can’t control. What we can control, though, is how we react and how we choose to “be” despite everything else. While we might not necessarily be chilling on the beach, we certainly have the power within us to act as if we’re on the beach, regardless of the circumstance.

This anonymous quote posted in my husband’s office sums it up beautifully: “Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”

Often, the joy in life is quietly disguised in the stillness. Where will you pause today, take a deep breath, and relax into being? For some additional insight, check out this story or this lesson to help get yourself in the mood. :)

Following your joy. It’s important to know what it is, specifically, that brings you joy…and then make sure to get more that in your life.

I’d also like to add another point of view–it was John Lennon who said: “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” So true. We can spend so much time and energy meticulously planning and plotting out our days and our lives. And at the same time, we’ve got to be open to whatever might come our way. It may even be something that we’ve never dreamed of!

You really don’t want to miss those amazing little miracles that show up right in front of your eyes, especially when you’re somewhere else trying to plan for them or “make” them happen. You gotta be ready to catch them when they appear.

I’m really good at making a plan. In fact, I’d like to say that I excel at it. I’m learning, though, that there’s more—so much more—to life than “the plan.” And what I continuously remind myself of is to stay in the moment and go with the flow…where the good stuff is, regardless of the plan.

When things are easy and “flow”

One of my reminders came in a wonderful form today. My dad called to see if Bill and I wanted to join him out on his boat. We happened to be free, the weather was looking good, and all signs were a-go. Might not sound like a big deal, but between the three of us, we have a tough time matching schedules and timing; in fact it’s been a few years since the three of us hung out on the boat together.

Then on a fluke (or not), my mom called my dad this morning to say hi. Again, may not sound like a big deal, but my parents have been divorced for as long as I can remember, and most of those years were…well, let’s just say that they weren’t the best of friends.

So the stars aligned this morning and all parties were in a good mood, and my mom was invited to join us on the boat. Pretty cool for me! None of it was really “planned”; it was all just spur-of-the moment happenings.

It made me think about time and how precious the little things are. It’s easy for me to get lost in the things that “need to get done” at home, but I’m glad on this morning that I let those things go.

The joy of the moment

My dad picked us all up at a public dock, and after boarding the boat, we found a calm bay, turned the motor off, and let the boat float and take us wherever life intended for us to go. On this lovely sunny Sunday morning, the lake was quiet and the peacefulness enveloped us. We talked and laughed and reminisced, and then the joy for me exploded when Bill perceptively picked up on something very poignant and special about this unique moment. He turned to me and asked, “How does it feel to have your three biggest fans right here?”

Wow, I guess I hadn’t thought about it like that. But in that moment of quiet calm out on a lake of glass, I was reminded of how blessed I was. Right there in that boat, the two people who were responsible for giving me life, and the man who has become my best friend and life partner…all there floating along with me through life. What more could I ask for? Sometimes you just need reminders of those simple things in life to carry you.

I recently heard Michael J. Fox interviewed, and he said that each moment will never “be” again. There are no do-overs. To me, that meant to embrace and capture each moment, and relish it and honor it, as best you can.

So when you’re following your joy, yes—it’s certainly important to do some planning and know what fuels you and makes you come alive. And at the same time, it’s just as important to simply live your life, go with the flow, and pay attention to the little miracles that come your way.

After all, that “joy” just might be right there in the boat with you.

Often we learn best when we see ourselves reflected in the eyes of another. It might be through a family member, a best friend, or even through a miracle in nature. And so, a few summers ago I had the privilege of hosting a very special guest in our home to teach me a few things about life: a monarch chrysalis.

Previously, my dad watched this creation from the very beginning as a tiny pin-prick of an egg on a milkweed plant in his garden. From there, a tiny caterpillar hatched, grew into a big caterpillar, and then created a special cocoon for itself where the magic began to weave.

Upon my dad’s urging, Bill and I stopped over and picked up this beautiful chrysalis, hanging from a branch, and took it home to nurture until it was ready to leave. Our new houseguest was a brilliant green cocoon with perfectly arranged dots of gold decoration. This was our first experience with a chrysalis and we weren’t quite sure what to expect. So we watched. And we waited. We heard that, apparently, a large butterfly was supposed to come out of that small green chrysalis!

You probably know how the story goes—a week later, a monarch butterfly emerged and flew away. In the final days and hours before this monumentous event, though, my new learning about myself and about life took place.

This is what the butterfly’s journey taught me about following my joy:

Everything in life is a process that cannot be rushed.

First the cocoon hanging on the branch was an opaque emerald green. Within a few days it became more transparent and we could see the faint outline of a butterfly inside. And during the last hours, the cocoon skin was fully see-through and we could start to see the orange and black stripes folded up neatly inside!

What was taking it so long? We wanted it to come out now, especially before Bill left for the day so he that could see it emerge, too. Everything in life is a process that cannot be rushed. The butterfly knew this. It needed to take its own time to be ready…and not emerge one moment before. Many of us tend to like immediate gratification in our lives—we want things to happen when we want them to happen. Not so, teaches the butterfly. Slow down, be still, and be patient. When the time is right, magnificent things will happen.

Trust the process of life; we don’t need all the answers.

What’s the butterfly doing now? Why won’t it come out? How does it fit in there? Where do the gold dots come from? Why is it waiting so long? Were we ever filled with questions! And we wanted to know all the answers.

Did it really matter anyway?

What if we just trusted that everything was happening exactly as it was meant to unfold? Maybe that “trust” would have allowed us to back off and take a deep breath and focus our energy on simply letting the butterfly “be.” What if we reveled in the mystery and beauty of it all, instead of worrying about the details? Trust the process of life; we don’t have to have all the answers. As we know in nature, the sun will always rise and the sun will always set. When we let go of the details, we are free to experience the true beauty in life.

When you are ready: BE BOLD AND GO!

And so the long-awaited birth came one morning. The chrysalis on the branch wavered a bit and then the folded-up butterfly inside slowly and neatly broke through the bottom of its casing…and emerged! At that moment I recognized this creature as the familiar beautiful monarch I have known since childhood. I was afraid that it would take off before I could grab a picture! But this miraculous insect took its sweet time getting comfortable being out in the elements, learning to flap its wings, and essentially catching its bearings to this new lifestyle.

I watched in awe as the butterfly pumped fluid through its wings and proudly showed off its wing span—it seemed to grow right in front of my eyes! In life, it’s easy to shrink back and not shine in all our glory. The butterfly reminded me of the importance to show life what you’ve got! Illuminate your gifts and talents. Be bold and claim your place in the world.

This beautiful being seemed pretty comfortable just hanging around a while. As humans, we often try to rush life and check things off our “list” as quickly as we can. But what if we took a moment to breathe, get comfortable, and then plunge in? I bet we would be more effective. But you know what? After some time, when the butterfly was ready, it took off.

Through the trees and straight for the bright blue sky. It allowed itself to take the necessary time to prepare, and when it was ready…look out! When you are ready: BE BOLD AND GO! The butterfly certainly didn’t get too attached to its old way of doing things or to the branch that it called home for the past week. When we let go of our old “stuff,” we become ready to boldly stretch our wings and soar to new heights.

That day, I said a thank-you prayer to my new co-habitant on our planet earth for allowing me to see myself reflected in all its glory; to witness the natural process of being and letting joy in. I will not forget its lessons. And later that day as I sat down at my favorite local restaurant patio for lunch, a monarch butterfly soared majestically right over my head.

Note: For another great story about finding lessons in nature, read about our magical experience with dolphins.