You know how it’s so easy to talk about “surface” issues with people; about the stuff that doesn’t really matter? Well, with my grandparents, Rollie and Doris, it’s the complete opposite. All throughout my life with them, I’ve had the pleasure of going deep and being ‘real’ during every single interaction. What a gift!

And what a thrill it has been for me to include Bill in on this joy and share life together as couples. The four of us have recently developed a little tradition a few nights each winter that we call our “Fireside Chats.” On these nights, Bill and I bring over dinner and enjoy a candlelight meal at the kitchen table with our two favorite elders, discussing the latest and sharing news about what’s happening in our lives.

Then we move downstairs for our ‘chat,’ where my grandpa has a semi-circle of four chairs set up around a roaring fire for us to begin.

Man, these two have the market cornered on sweetness, and if you need any supporting documentation or want to be inspired, just go here!

Master communicators

My grandparents both grew up in Scandinavian homes, where not much was ever shared in the way of emotions, thoughts, or feelings. In their adult lives, though, and through their career—they have become master communicators.

They share their hearts purposefully, and compassionately listen to others in the moment as though there were nothing more important than the person doing the talking. Case in point, the bumper sticker on the back of their car sums up what they wholly value; it says: “Listen to someone today.”

So at our recent get-together, my grandpa shared experiences from World War II and his myriad of feelings being away from his true love (my grandma) back then. We talked about the preciousness of having a mate who is also your lifelong best friend.

My grandparents discussed the reality of aging and what daily life is like for them in their late 80’s. They asked about my business and listened as though it was the most important issue on their agenda. They asked Bill about his dreams and rallied him like a dedicated cheering squad.

Important dialogue and memories

As a retired Psychologist, my grandpa always has a few tricks up his sleeve. He pulled out a stack of “Conversation Cards” as a creative way to spark additional meaningful conversations—this time in the form of memories.

I quietly knew there was another reason why he was doing this, though. My grandma has been experiencing some memory loss, and the focused cards would serve as the perfect catalyst for important memories to flow.

When it was your turn to draw a card, you might see something like: “Tell about a favorite relative when you were young” or “What was your favorite thing about your father when you were a child?” or “Who’s the most famous person you ever met?” Each card would spark memories of a story, always rich with a personal touch.

My grandma absolutely lit up when she talked about a favorite uncle who would take her to the park and play with her as a child. She reminisced about her grandpa’s laugh and her mother’s compassion. She talked about sharing chocolate bars with her dad as though it were yesterday. The memories flowed, my grandma was ‘in the zone,’ and the rest of us in the semi-circle of chairs beamed with love and support, sharing in her memories with her.

My moment to share

The pinnacle of this recent fireside chat was the last question I pulled from the deck. It said: “Who has made a significant impact on your life?” I could barely wait to share my answer with the group! I turned to my grandparents and spoke loudly and clearly so my grandpa could hear every word through his hearing aid and said: “That’s easy. All my 41 years of life, you guys have been my models, my rock.” I continued to tell them how they have shown me the joy of a solid and loving relationship and that soulmates do exist.

Then I turned to Bill and told him how he impacts my life every single day, simply by his greatness in being who he is. Whew! I felt full and complete by making this all-important announcement. While I’ve shared this information many times before, there was something so powerful about having the three of them right there, right in front of the fire with me, on this meaningful night.

What a reminder to me of the significance of listening. And knowing that whatever it is that the other person is saying…is important. My other reminder was the power of sharing what’s on your heart, with the people you love.

As the evening grew darker and the fire was almost out, my grandpa declared that this would be the last fireside chat of the season (and in Minnesota, that’s a good thing—it means that spring is on the way!). We agreed and joked that the next time we get together will be on their backyard deck, but instead we’ll transition from “Fireside Fodder” to “Deck Dialogue”!

I couldn’t help but think, though, that life is precious, and you never (no, never) know when the last time will be.

When is the last time you truly listened to someone?

What is it that you need to say to someone you love?

I’ve been following my joy around since the early 90’s, and his name happens to be Bill. We got married 15 years ago today! I remember the day before our wedding, he consoled me after I had a meltdown from being so overwhelmed. He then proceeded to iron my outfit for our rehearsal dinner and help me pack my suitcase for our honeymoon; two tasks which I couldn’t seem to do on my own. That day he picked me up when I fell, and as the years go by, life with Bill has only gotten sweeter.

After all the preparations were made and everything was set for our big day, Bill said, “Wait! We forgot something!” He continued to say that it might be helpful to have barf bags in the church pews because people might get sick from us being so cute together up on the altar. Good one! This young twenty-something dude was always thinking.

In our first apartment together, complete with hand-me-down mismatched furniture from gracious family members, we said that our marriage was like a “24-hour slumber party.” And 15 years later that couldn’t be more right-on, as we still can’t seem to get enough of each other.

Feeling grateful

And so this morning as I wave out the window to Bill as he drives away to work, my heart is full with gratitude. Watching him cruise down the road, I think to myself how cool it is that I married the sweetest guy: my best friend, my soulmate.

I married the guy who fixes my computer and sews a button on my jacket. I married the guy who makes our meals and builds our decks. The guy who can whip up a fancy new drink in a heartbeat, and the guy who watches chick flicks with me and cries at all the right moments. The guy who hides funny notes and pictures of goofy animals around the house for me to find and always smiles wherever he goes. No wonder why his mom calls him “Sonshine”!

At the end of a typical day, Bill comes home from work and heads right to the living room couch to meet up with me so we can share the happenings of the day with each other. And he listens to what I have to say with all his heart, even when it’s about the most trivial of details.

He makes late-night runs for me to Super America when I must have Peanut M&M’s. He greets me with a smile in bed every morning even if he isn’t fully awake, just to let me know he’s there. He chases me around the house and speaks in cartoon voices and constantly makes me laugh. He gets teary-eyed when I tell him about how much I love my work and how happy I am. He shares my dreams and my enthusiasm for life. He cares so deeply about me and my world and engages with me in deep and spiritual life-affirming conversations. He calls me the sweetest names from “Princess” to “Snickers” to “Daffodil.” He protects me and sees beauty in all things. He runs my bath water and washes my car.

Hangin’ together

We pal around together and love being at home, just the two of us. We’ve created a pretty simple life together…dreaming, visioning, creating, and being.

One fun memory comes to my mind that perfectly describes Bill. I made an S.O.S. call to him one day from my cell phone in a department store dressing room. I needed to find a new dress for an upcoming event and I couldn’t decide which one to go with. Within 15 minutes he was planted on the “guy’s” chair outside of the dressing room waiting for me to model each of the cute black dresses I had picked out. Yep, that’s my guy.

Bill helps me think bigger and believe in myself. He is the guy who all babies and dogs want a piece of. He’s the guy who cheers me on in following everything that brings me joy. With him I feel respected, valued, affirmed…and loved like crazy.

Together we recently created a vision board with our combined dreams and wishes for the future. At the bottom of the board is a great quote by Ginger Rogers: “When two people love each other, they don’t look at each other; they look in the same direction.” Ahhh…perfect.

Five years ago on our 10th anniversary we renewed our vows, just the two of us, at the base of the magnificent Redwoods in Northern California. It was so incredibly silent in the forest, that we felt compelled to whisper. Afterwards, I had a song all cued up ready to play for Bill in the car. Every word of the song still rings true today. It’s Josh Groban’s “You Raise Me Up”:

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

Cheers!

So today I raise a glass in celebration of 15 years of love, laughter, fun, and pure joy. This world is a brighter place because of my Bill, and I am consciously grateful every day for the gift of being able to call him my “partner.” And it gets better…and better…every day.

Note: Wanna see a hilarious story from our honeymoon?! Check out Just Another Day On The (Nude) Beach. :)

Last night our small family got together and celebrated my sweet grandpa’s 88th birthday at a hotel restaurant. Bill and I were the first guests to arrive, and I jumped at the chance to pick the seat right next to the guest of honor. It felt special to share the space with this elder gentleman who I love so much.